It's odd. I don't know how to explain it, but recently a friend woke me up. She had brought up the fact that I have been guarded to her, my best friend, and that I needed to be more open. Something I have been trying to do for more than half my life. But the fact that my best friend tells me this, makes me think that maybe my walls have been to tall for people to get over. I mean, when two people say they are best friends, doesn't that mean that those people at least know the juicy-ness of each other? I haven't been completely honest with her, and I apologize.
I have said this once, twice, probably a billion times; my friends mean the world to me. But I have a problem opening up to people. I am not used to telling someone what I feel every time an obstacle comes up. It's not something I can just do; believe me I have tried and have gotten either hurt or weird looks.
I have a total of about 6 best friends. Only which of 4 and maybe half of which know my true colors. I have expressed myself and confided in these people to keep my secrets; that if they decide to one day turn on me, I have no clue what I would do. These 4 (maybe 4 and 1/2) know my every move, my every thought; my life.. well as much as I want to tell them anyway. I would love to be open about my every thought, my every emotion, but to me that's like handing you my heart and you having control over my every move. I am not used to being a puppet, I don't like it when people have control of what I do. Now, I am not saying that my best friends are going to do this, but one never knows when a friend will turn. I love you guys, but I do have to keep my guard up, even if it is 1%.
I do have one good thing out of this: I promise that I will be more open and and actually tell you guys when something is bothering me. Usually when someone asks me if something is wrong and something is usually wrong, I tend to close up and say every things okay. Well no more, I am going to try to seek help with problems, unless they're tiny and I can deal with them myself (HINT HINT COOPER BAREFIELD) :D
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I love you Cesar (:
ReplyDeletetelling me one extra thing than the norm shldn't be hard.
I nvr seek to control your emotions, in knowing them. I know what it is like to have no control of your feelings, as someone watches you crumble, & he's no where near affected of by how sad/upset you may be. I could never do so to another human being. Seeing strangers cry would tear me to pieces, not that I'm expecting you to cry.
I just felt weird bc you typed things online (not on here), but I would nvr know what you were tkng about. It was like a website knew you better than me, & it just didn't suit right w/me.
I understand everything you typed, & I respect your boundries 1,000%
I hope w/time, I'll know more.
I'd never reveal things you didn't want me to either(:
I love my best friend (: I LOVE YOU
Awh :)
ReplyDeleteWell I know you won't hurt me nor watch me crumble.
In time, youw will..
Just be patient with me :D
You like the COOPER comment?
haha
I love you :)
definitely. something my ex didn't know the slightest meaning of.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE the Pooper cmmt (:
I love you too!!!! (:(: